How Greece Was Raised
by IfIWereABiscut
Summary: [WARNING FOR SANITY] Hear the real tale of Greece, Egypt, and Turkey along with others! Endure plot-twist, Prussia and tons of good ol' joy! :D


Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. Or my fail excuse of crack. (Who fails at writing crack?! DX)

[WARNING: YOUR SANITY WELL BE GONE BY THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. AND BY THE TIME YOU RELIZE THAT GREECE

SOUNDS A LOT LIKE NORWAY… (ooc-nessness….es)

ONTO THE FAIL EXCUSE FOR CRACK!~

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Once upon the times, there was a child molester named Turkey. Or at least that's what people called him. He was actually a child taker. Or a kidnapper. Anychickens, one day he was bored. Then a boat appeared. The boat bitch-slapped and said "Get your ass up and do something!" It then began to dance his ass off and in the process he kicked Turkey. Your probably wondering why Turkey isn't doing shit. That's because you are Turkey and you reading this right nao. You probably don't want me to tell you the story now because you are confused. Let me help you. GREECE, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP AND TELL THESE FANGIRLS HOW TURKEY RAPED YOU AND EGYPT! Plz wait…

Greece here. Apparently, I'm supposed to tell you how I was supposedly "raped" by Turkey. One day here was an asshole named Turkey (we'll call him asshole for short). Asshole ran around like the pussy he is looking for something pussy-ish to do. One day Asshole said, "I'm an asshole and I like to rape children! :D" And deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deeeeeep down inside, he really was a TRUE asshole. I was sleep walking around when he came up as a shadow. Asshole grabbed my ass and dragged me . I looked up and saw another little boy. He had brown hair and brown skin. He reminded me of my cat Henry.

We walked a looooooooooooooooooooong distance. As the sun hit me, I swear I was hallucinating. I saw a dick pelvic thrusting. I don't know how it was doing that but it seemed to amuse Asshole. Which means I wasn't hallucinating. Asshole dropped that other boy and went conga line dancing with it. I felt happy for him, after all, he was dancing with his own kind. Too harsh? Well, he's not as bad as he used to be but I still like to call him Asshole in my head. Happy now? Good.

We didn't see Asshole until next day. When he was gone I got to know the other boy. He said his name was Egypt, and he was happy to meet me. Asshole apparently came back with some other people. Two white haired kids (one with a puffin another with a bird) and a girl with a big chest. He didn't act the same way he did last time though. Instead of dragging me and carrying Egypt on his back like an ape, he carried us all in his asshole-ish arms. I questioned him why didn't he carry us like this before. He answered with a smile. He also said he learned something from a passionate man. I really didn't care, but it was nice to see him learn something.

Once we got to his home, he began picking out what he wanted and what he didn't want. Unfortunately, Asshole kept Egypt and I. [WARNING: AURTHOR (?)DOES NOT KNOW IF SHE'S RIGHT OR NOT] One day Egypt just left. Which means… I had nothing more to remind me of my cats. No matter how much I asked for cat, he said no. I remember once it got so bad, I started acting like a cat. I had no idea how I woke up on top of Asshole's tan, broad, steel, hairy, six-pack chest almost every day. The thought never occurred to me until now. Maybe he thought I was a real cat. Which means… I should put on my sexy cat ears around Japan. Then, he'll mistake me for a cat, and give me loves. But didn't I just those sexy cat ears from Japan? That means assumption number 1 is out. Anyways, Asshole never did buy me a cat, but he did treat me like I was a cat.

Every day, we'd wake up and start strangling each other. Or at least I'd wake up and strangle him. However, we did have our family moments. Like the time I'd pranked him. Maybe like the time he told me bedtime stories. Or Like the time we took a bath together. Wait, that one was recent… Uh, I can't remember anything…

One day, I brought a gun and declared war. [lol, I din't even bother to look up if they had a war DX] I don't really want to talk about it so… there you have it. That is the tale of how I was 'raped' by Turkey.

"Ah, yes… Almost done writing this "stuff"…" AwsomPrussia5 said to herself. Her room was dark cold, just the way she liked it. [EPIC PLOT TWIST!] She finished writing the last few sentences when Turkey bust threw her door. Her face turned the deepest red that would beat A LOT of tsundere characters in Hetalia. "What cha written'?" he asked nothing. She nothing but stare at him. He walked in a looked at the screen. 'Sadiq's tongue flickered against Heracles' navel earning a soft yelp from the Greek.," AwsomPrussia5 fainted as he continued. She woke back up to the sound of groaning. "Wha…" Blood rushed out her nose as she passed out again. Greece sat on Turkey's lap bare, while Turkey sat in the chair pumping him endlessly. Greece closed his eyes tight and endured it all. "Wh-what are we go-going t-to d-do about h-her?" Greece stuttered. Turkey chuckled and licked his chest. "She'll just have to hear everything."

"Wha-!"

"Shut up and sleep with me."

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FIN(LAND).

(P.S. If you are readin' World Wars & Events: Hetalia, I'm bein' stumped by history and well... I'm kinda slow =w=;)


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